Yet again I’ve retreated to my bedroom upset and in tears. My kitchen has again been utterly swamped in flour, margarine and water. Nan is working on clearing it up and I’ve just finished giving M a bath and have just had an argument with her, about going to school, resulting in me being thumped twice. This just feels never-ending. I find this so hard. I desperately love my daughter (with autism and PDA) but I find her hard to handle sometimes. I’m tired of the amount of control she has over everything, her unwillingness to compromise. Just.So.Tired. The house looks trashed all the time, things…my things getting broken, physical attacks. I find that last one the hardest to cope with. It hurts so much. Not just physically but emotionally. When she hits she really means it. I can see it in her eyes. (We need to find some better coping strategies for her and soon; before she gets older). I need to be more patient but it’s hard when my limits are constantly pushed. I need to go back downstairs soon and see if I can help Nan. Writing this down has definitely helped though. Been quite cathartic.